The Secret to Winning a Woman's Heart
by Leafwhistler
Summary: In which Gourry tries to divine the secret that has plagued all of mankind since the world began. Quite literally. As promised a fluffy L/G fic for those sad of heart. Several other guest appearances in later chapters. As always, rated to be extra safe!
1. Intro The Secret to Happiness

**Author's note**: You are not the only ones with broken hearts after Chapter 15. That is why I am posting this little side fic. I actually have nothing against L/G pairings. And the more I write for Gourry's perspective, the more I like him. I just find it interesting to put characters in untenable situations.

Enough rambling. This story is vaguely familiar—it actually grew out of "The Many Half Thoughts of Gourry Gabriev" when I first started writing it. But the story started going vastly different directions in my head, so I had to separate it. The two stories are similar in nature, but are NOT the same. In this story Gourry is a little less brainy, but still quite intelligent. He also has a better memory. In any case, on to the fic! Hopefully, you'll enjoy it. Fluffy as it is.

**Disclaimer**: Neither Slayers, nor the characters therein, belong to me. Hajime Kanazaka has control over them and they over his purse strings.

* * *

The old man limped into the room on his left. With a heavy sigh, he opened the door with the intention of releasing the boy, no man, inside. It was time that the prisoner was free in his own home and definitely from his own mind. Still, he would miss having him around. The room smelled of chalk and musty sunlight. Of countless hours of boredom compressed into one terrifying moment in which the right answer meant everything. The old man groaned within himself. It had to be done. Enough was enough and, if this didn't go well, the whole affair would end in murder. Of that he was sure.

Besides how anyone could live in this tiny room day after day was beyond him. Most people would crack after a few days. But this boy has been here for years—and here, after several seconds, he was ready to run out of the room with a terrible headache. But it was time to give the prisoner his final task.

This dark thought was interrupted by the intermittent scratching of a pen against parchment. Stupid classrooms. They always gave Gamilel a headache. Someone with a seriously twisted mind must have come up with them. Probably a Mazakou…sick sick creatures. If he ever found the one who did he might just have to borrow the Sword of Light back for a few hours.

A slender, but well built man, with golden hair stabbed his quill down with relish. After repeated clearings of his throat failed to catch the blonde's attention, Gamilel removed the ink pot from his student's desk. It was a long moment before his student even looked up. There was an owlish blinking at the sudden absence of inkpot followed by a confused look upwards. Gamilel held the inkpot firmly out of reach. Given half a chance, the blonde would slip back into his world of equations faster than he could blink.

"Wha'd'ya do that for? I almost had it figured out." The younger man scratched his head, confusion heavily evident upon his handsome face. Then his face light up with a beatific smile.

"Look! I can make the power on the sword three times more powerful." He pointed proudly at the paper in front of him. "This is what I wanted to tell you last night before..." His face fell.

No doubt he was remembering the spectacular fit his older brother had thrown after dinner. That was the real reason Gourry had fled here and stayed all night. He had retreated to the one place he knew his jealous brother would never follow. And that was the reason Gamilel was here now.

Gourry reached for the inkpot surreptitiously. He had gotten even faster these last two months. Only years of experience with the Sword of Light made it possible for Gamilel to avoid his student's sly, but lightening quick, attempt. He knew Gourry wouldn't be able to focus until this temptation had been removed from his presence. The old man walked slowly to the other side of the room and placed the inkpot on a bookshelf there. The younger man finally got the hint and began tidying up the papers in front of him. As Gamilel returned, the blonde swordsman tried to hand him the papers. His mouth opened, starting to explain the work on them, but the older man waved him into silence.

"Thank you, son. But now I need your undivided attention, Gourry."

Gamilel looked down at his youngest son with fondness. If only things had worked out differently. If only his other son Garth had been as dedicated, there wouldn't be this mess. Then maybe the rest of the family wouldn't all be scheming to get the Sword of Light. He wasn't sorry to have Gourry as his son, but life might have gone better if one of his sons had been a girl instead. But you had to deal with life with the hand of cards you were dealt.

Gourry nodded sagely. "Yes father. No math." His son gave him a wide smile.

Gamilel shook his head in amazement. Perhaps he had spent too much time training his son in sword fighting, mechanics, and not enough elsewhere. Big words and figurative speech completely eluded the boy. If he hadn't known better, Gamilel would have thought his second son was an idiot savant. But it really was a matter of Gourry's attention span. There simply was just too much for him to think about. So his focus on other 'less important' things was temporary and fleeting at best. Focus was the problem, not intelligence.

Gamilel hoped that getting him out of this place would improve Gourry's ability to cope with life. To help him deal with his problems head on. Perhaps he might even start remembering things that weren't directly related to math or the Sword of Light. Or maybe that was too much to realistically hope. Perhaps that was just the way he was.

"Gourry, I always knew this day would come." Gamilel put a weighty hand on his son's shoulder. "You have far passed me both in fighting skills and in mathematics. No one is more capable mentally or physically to handle the Sword of Light. And with family matters being what they are—perhaps, it's time for you to leave. Go out into the world and put all that knowledge to use."

He fought his son's budding protests by talking right over them. "If you stay, I'm afraid it will only end in bloodshed. Don't let it come to that."

His son looked up at him with worried puppy dog eyes. 'But, Dad! That will leave you all alone. And…" Although he was oblivious to many things, Gourry could see that his father was determined. So instead he quietly asked, "Father, what would you have me do?"

A pure heart of gold, his youngest boy. How he would miss him! Gamilel cleared his throat and continued awkwardly on. "I want you to be a gentleman. Treat women and children right. Defend people who can't help themselves. That's what all of this training was for. Find a reason worth living for. And then fight for it."

Gourry nodded to show that he was still listening. He looked lost and alone already. Gamilel's throat closed just a little. His poor son. Still starved for the affection his mother and own brother would never give him. That was what he truly wished for his son. The love his youngest son had never found at home. And the love that Gamilel wished he'd been wise enough to find for himself.

"Son, I want you to find a woman to love and learn how to truly win her love back. Learn the secret of winning a woman's heart and you will live happily forever. If I had taken the time to do that, your life would have turned out differently. Much much differently. Master this and you will be the happiest man in the world."

Gamilel took the sword at his back and handed it to his youngest son. Gourry accepted in solemnly with shining eyes of blue, accented by tears forming within. Then he turned away and walked out his father's life forever. But as he turned away, Gamilel heard him mutter softly, "The secret to winning a woman's heart…."

* * *

Gourry heard that his father passed away not long after that talk. But he was still determined to do everything that his father had asked of him. To protect others, to find something worth living for, and to learn the secret to winning a woman's heart. He wandered for a time looking for a purpose to his life. Something worth fighting for. But that proved an easier thing to say than to do. Then came a time when he ran into his older brother. His father had been right. It did end in bloodshed and nearly in murder.

Garth would always wear a scar on his chest from that battle. Gourry hadn't meant to hurt him, but Garth had come running at him after the fight was over. He'd been out for blood. Only the faint breeze caused by his lunge had warned Gourry of his brother's foul attempt. The younger son had been leaving the scene of their squabble, back turned, and determined to forget the shameful event that had just taken place. Gourry's quick reflexes had saved both his life and his brother's. First, by helping Gourry get his guard up in time. Then by instantaneously calculating how to turn the blade aside just enough to miss Garth's heart.

It had been a sad time in which Gourry had almost thrown away the sword of Light. If he hadn't run into an old man fishing at the river's side, Gourry would have thrown the sword away forever. The wise man had repeated his father's words to him. He'd reminded him that swords weren't, in and of themselves, evil. It was the people who wielded them that made that distinction. He'd told Gourry that if he was really sorry about whatever it was that had happened in his past, he'd devote his life to making sure the sword was never used for evil again. He owed that much to the sword and to himself. There was no guarantee that whoever found the sword next would be as honorable.

But what had really rocked him was what the man had said next. He'd told Gourry to find something or someone to protect. To find a reason that made his life worth living. If he didn't, then he'd eventually fall into the same trap he was trying so desperately to avoid. So the new Swordsman of Light set forth once again to find a reason for his life. And a woman whose heart he would discover the secret to. Because if that person wasn't worth protecting, what in life possibly could be?

Women followed him around a lot. And he noticed them for their geometrical portions. Some were quite pleasing to the eye—an example of geometry in motion. But the secret to their hearts was quite apparent. They were only interested in his exterior as well. And perhaps a pretty bauble thrown in for good measure. Besides, they always they reminded him of his mother—someone beautiful whose heart had been made of ice. Gourry's father had once aid that though she was pleasing to the eye, her heart was shallow like a looking pool. And it froze over just as easily. His father always looked sad about that and Gourry wanted to make his father proud. So those women he left alone. Perhaps he could find one deeper than that.

Then there were the women who were pretty in their own right. Devoted and intent on being a good wife and mother. Girls like Slyphiel. Kind and sweet. But as comforting as their ways were, and as tasty as dishes they cooked, there was nothing more to learn about them once their current difficulty was over. He ran into them often, usually as damsels in distress. There was nothing wrong with them physically or emotionally. Each of them was different in their own way. But in many ways, it just seemed too simple. Once he had saved them once, their heart was forever won. There was no challenge to it. This couldn't be what his father really meant.

This secret reminded the blonde of the games his father used to play with him as a child. A tantalizing hint of how to achieve the impossible. A backslash from an impossible angle. A way to maximize the power in his strikes. How to make perfect cuts and resheath in the blink of an eye. Gourry used to puzzle over these tricks until he could do them just right. A lot of work went into calculating just how much force to use. Those math lessons had not been in vain. That was something Garth had never understood. It never teased at him every waking moment the way it did his younger brother. So this new mysterious secret both gnawed at him and grounded him. It was like having his dad back again. It was like a math equation. If he could just figure it out it… Still, there was time. He hadn't met a girl worth finding the answer out for just yet. Maybe all he needed to do was meet the right girl and it would come to him. Then he would learn the secret to winning her heart.

Then he met Lina. Someone who could use his protection and who would need it in times to come. Yet, she was no damsel in distress. In fact, she was often the cause other people's. She counted on him in battle, but it was more of a partnership. They were both independent of each other, but still relied on the other when push came to shove. He liked that.

At first, it had just been something different to do. Then he had discovered that she was the girl whose heart he wanted to win. From there, it got complicated. Before, whenever he had had a problem, all he had to do was puzzle it out on a piece of paper and the numbers would dance into place. That was why he loved math so much. Unlike people, they always came up with the same answer. Sword fighting was just the application of all that math. Unfortunately, people weren't so easy to figure out. The same sentence spoken to one person had vastly different results when spoken to another. Lina consistently proved the truth of that to him. If only he could remember what the sentences were that got him in trouble to begin with.


	2. Chapter 1 The Problem with Lina

**Author's Note:** Sorry- I haven't quite finished the third chapter yet. I will try to get it squared away tomorrow. I spent almost 10 hours today writing and revising student evaluations. Take comfort in the fact that all the chapters in this fic are plotted out and will be posted more quickly than my other story.

**Disclaimer:** Slayers and all of its characters belong to Hanajime Kanazaka. I wonder if they were hard to house train. At the very least, the collateral damage Lina must cause to his property must be enormous. Buy more Slayers stuff and save his house!

* * *

The first problem with Lina, Gourry decided, was that paper had a short life expectancy around her. At first, the swordsman would try to write down all of his thoughts. But he quickly discovered that paper around Lina was just a really good way to increase the overall radius of his burns. Writing things down was definitely out. So Gourry tried to remember things in his head instead. This wasn't a problem for processing his calculations, but it did seem to use up a lot of memory space. And it caused a noticeable decline of his current attention span. Thus he missed many of the important conversational asides discussed in their merry little band. Consequently, the discovery of his unintentionally absentminded ways always put a crimp in his progress. It didn't help that the tiny sorceress kept blowing him for it up either. Or, in most cases, tried to.

Not that he was complaining. Gourry knew that in order to play the game he called "Lina" that he needed to be blown up—otherwise, she wouldn't keep playing. She was far too shy and proud to flirt any other way. However, the swordsman frequently needed to figure out exactly how far away he needed to be in order to still look sufficiently crispy, but remain alive and in good fighting condition. Otherwise, _he_ couldn't keep playing.

Fortunately, that equation wasn't too hard to figure out. Take the current brightness of Lina's face, square it, multiply it by the time it was taking her to chant, and then divide the whole quantity by the day of the month. That would give you a safe blast radius. It was a good thing too—but even then, Gourry sometimes failed to move quite fast enough. But those were good times too. Because, if they were alone, Lina would come back after she cooled down and heal him. And he could watch her from up close and decide just how close he could sit to her and smell the honeysuckle scented soap she favored without her blast impulse kicking in again.

The second problem was Gourry's own emotional investment in this situation. Or, maybe a better way to phrase it was, his infatuation with his 'test subject.' When she was gone, he missed her too much to make sufficent progress towards the desired solution. But when Lina was around, it was hard to think. She was simply intoxicating. He loved the way her hair looked like fire on the wind. Mostly, because she was fire. Her red eyes sparkled with it and, if there wasn't a fire somewhere, Lina was bound to start one soon. His brain would start busily calculating the secret to her heart as he watched her. But then it would get lost as he began admiring her strength and tenacity. His computations would slow down even further when he would notice the cute way she wrinkled her nose when she laughed. Or the way her hips swayed in perfect pendulatical time. Between such distractions, and the data processing through his head, he was hard pressed to remember exactly where he was in his mathematical conjectures. Which meant that his rather tenuous grasp on the conversation at hand got even worse. So he would always fail to completely catch whatever it was she said. Or he'd mix it up completely at best. Then she would chide him in a pedantic sort of way. But he loved to hear her grumble and fuss about his intelligence because he knew that meant he was the only thing she was thinking of right now. So he never said anything.

He most often observed her while they walked from town to town. There was plenty of time to watch her as she walked ahead of him then. And not much was required of him conversationally if they had others traveling in their group. It was the perfect time for his musings. At one time, he thought the secret to a woman's heart must be geometric. After all, men and women were part of nature. And most biological problems tended to have geometric solutions. So if he could just figure out the correct proportions, it would all come together to form the correct answer. But Lina proved that theory wrong time and time again. An enormous energy continuously issued forth from her tiny delicate looking frame. So that couldn't be true. But, just in case, he'd occasionally reevaluate her proportions just to check that he hadn't miscalculated. But he never had and she seemed to mind so much when he reassessed her current measurements.

Then Gourry decided the secret of Lina's heart must lay in her mercurial personality. If he could understand what and who she was, then he could predict what she would do next. And learn who she really was under that tough exterior. It seemed like a sound idea. After all, one of the first rules of swordsmanship was to 'know your enemy.' It must be doubly true for those you loved. And, perhaps, even more so for Lina.

But her personality was so complex. Her moods were always changing, moving, shifting. Something could anger her and then just as quickly be forgotten. Or, if something really caught her attention (especially something sparkly), she would follow it to the ends of the earth. Or blow up whatever was keeping her from achieving her goal. At first, he had labeled these mood swings as the combined effect of greed and a short attention span. But then, he started to notice that her moods were really based on her complete enjoyment of life. Whatever it was she was doing, she did it one hundred percent. At the drop of a hat, she could be selfish. And woe be unto any who got in her way. Then she might see someone she wanted to help, and couldn't be deterred even if they didn't want or need it. Sometimes these changes took place in the blink of an eye. She could be extremely depressed. But then, when she really ought to give up, she would turn around and save the world. Lina changed to meet every situation she was in, whatever it might be, so she could take complete advantage of it. And suddenly, if it no longer suited her, she could abandon it just as quickly and move on without a backward glance. Yet she still hadn't abandoned him, even when the odds had looked bad. And Gourry had the sneaking suspicion that she never would. It seemed that, for the first time ever, math had failed him. That or his parameters were all wrong.

The last problem with Lina was that she attracted too much attention. From all the wrong people too. This was yet another reason he could never finish his calculations. Take that Xelloss guy, for example. Lina had no problems keeping the Mazakou around. The possessive looks Xelloss continually shot her bothered Gourry greatly. However, as long as the sorceress still wanted him to stick around, Gourry would live with a hundred Xellosses if he had to. But the other mazakou and dark lords were dead set on killing her. And failing that, they annoyed her incessantly. It annoyed him as well, but not for all of the same reasons. Sure, the destruction of the world was a terrible thing and should be stopped with all due haste. He had no reservations or qualms about that. But it seemed to him that each time he was on the verge of discovering what the secret to Lina's heart, another mazakou would barge its way in. Then he would have to abandon all of his careful designs to go fight some new demon. And such thoughts, once lost, were almost impossible to regain! It was frustrating to say the least. Sometimes, he wondered if it would be possible to make everyone wait just one more minute until he had finished his thought. Then they could proceed to savagely wipe each other out. Still, he understood that these kinds of things happened. Especially if you traveled with Lina Inverse. It was his duty and he was glad to fulfill it. He just wished the monsters had better timing.

He wanted to be angry about their incredibly untimely interruptions and by the fact that Lina took it for granted that he could destroy them without any help. But it made his heart thump strangely when he remembered that it meant she trusted him. That she depended on him. And when he remembered that she would step in if she thought he _really_ needed the help. It was her backwards idea of a compliment. A tribute of sorts to her confidence in him. So he limited the number of sarcastic remarks he made when she left the battles up to him. (After her mandatory presumptuous introduction and a few preliminary fireballs, anyway. No fight was complete without those little theatrics.) Silly as it might sound, her implicit confidence in his abilities buoyed him up from fight to fight. Knowing that she let him watch her back. And knowing that Lina frequently returned the favor. There was something satisfying about their unspoken partnership. It made his life complete and filled a hole in his heart that he'd never truly been aware of. He had been looking for reason that made life worth living and she was his. If only he could figure out the secret to winning her heart! After all, she'd already unknowingly claimed his.

In all, Gourry was finding that his situation wasn't much changed from when he had first started. He still didn't know the secret to winning a woman's heart. And it was all the more frustrating now that he'd actually found a woman worth knowing the secret to. But long years of practice with math and with the sword had taught him the joys of delayed gratification. If it had been easy to win her heart, then she wouldn't have been worth it. Besides, he loved Lina enough to make that effort. Even if it took him the rest of his life. Or the rest of eternity if need be. Perhaps, what the situation really called for was a little field work. Only then would he be able to confirm any hypotheses. The blonde nodded firmly to himself. It was time to get started.

* * *

**Author's post note:** Next, Gourry will try out some hypotheses...


	3. Chapter 2 Food for Thought

**Author' Note:** This is the part where I think the story shifts into the fluff category and into more of the 'action' so to speak. The rest was all background. Hopefully, the transition between the two isn't too rough. I did try to smooth it out, but I think I failed miserably. But you don't really want to hear from me. And I understand completely. You want the story…oops, one more interruption from the author before that occurs.

**Disclaimer:** Hanajime Kanazaka owns the Slayers and all their crew. However, I am sure he needs to replace his refrigerator almost as often as the contents inside. Patience has never been one of the group's strong points. Buy Slayers related stuff and help out a good cause. It would be terrible if the Slayers crew decided to BBQ him in the good cause of filling their stomachs.

* * *

Gourry's first, and most reliable, hypothesis was that the secret to Lina's heart must be food. After all, there was very little that could distract Lina from a potential meal. She loved food. Any kind of food. In that respect, they were well suited for each other. He loved it too. This made it an ideal point upon which to focus his first attempt. Thus, if he provided the food, Lina's heart should come trailing along after.

Besides, didn't all of those chocolate shops and fancy restaurants claim they had the food of love? Or was it romance? They were the same thing anyway, weren't they? If there was a meal, or food, designed to enhance the already magical capabilities of food, then that surely was the way to win Lina's heart. Or at the very least get her to tell him what it was. After all, she should know best, shouldn't she?

Unfortunately, it was hard to gauge Lina's interest in anything other than food whenever it appeared in their journeys. He'd tried to gauge it before, but honestly it was often gone too fast for him to see her response to specific items. Not to mention, if he sat back to watch he lost his chance to eat as well. Besides, battling Lina for food was half the fun of traveling together. Thus Gourry decided that he needed to introduce a different environment where he could control how much food was brought out and when. So he could try seeing what food unlocked her heart. If it was just any food then he'd already have won her heart. It must be something entirely new. So Gourry kept a careful eye around the towns they were traveling through. Thankfully, it wasn't long until he found what he was looking for.

Gourry was pretty proud of himself. It had taken some doing to get such an evening all arranged. Zel and Amelia were off talking to an herbalist in the next town over. (Lina hade been quite touchy about herbal witches and sorcery doctors since that episode outside of Seyruun.) So it hadn't taken much persuasion to convince her to eat dinner with him instead. He'd even scouted out a special restaurant to take her to. Admittedly, it wasn't dragon cuisine, but it had a reputation for the freshest seafood in the entire southern peninsula. It cost a pretty penny, but the restaurant manager had guaranteed that this meal was designed specifically to boost the romantic atmosphere for any couple alive. And to win a woman's heart. It also served a number of exotic dishes that he'd never heard of. It was precisely what the swordsman was looking for.

Lina had originally made a fuss about having to dress up to accommodate the restaurant's dress code. But one mention of their specialty "_Nudibranch au' Naturale_," something she'd never tried before, and she'd immediately kicked him out of the room to change. The blonde had chuckled to himself as he heard her boots hitting the floor in rapid succession. Lina was predictable about food, if nothing else. So far it seemed like his theory was right. After all, it wasn't easy to get the Bandit Killer and Enemy of all who lived into a dress. Especially of her own free will. Then he proceeded to his room to prepare himself and fill his money bag. This trail run of his hypothesis was not easy to fund, but if it worked, it would be well worth the money.

They'd met each other in front of the inn they were staying at and left promptly, much to the owner's relief. He'd asked them, in the voice of someone politely hoping for a refusal, if they would be dining elsewhere this evening. The balding proprietor had almost danced with joy when Gourry had confirmed his tentative, almost prayerful, inquiry. Then Lina had smiled sweetly and told him it would give him a chance to start on tomorrow's breakfast. The man had turned a pasty white when Gourry had nodded thoughtfully in agreement. Then they had left the poor man quivering in his boots. The muscular swordsman wondered sometimes if Lina was oblivious to people's responses as she pretended. The way her mouth had momentarily twitched as they walked across town towards their intended destination, indicated that a subtle, if slightly cruel, sense of humor at play.

He could tell Lina was impressed by the restaurant's interior when they arrived. She let forth a low musical whistle. He understood what she meant, but he was more impressed with the woman next to him than by their current surroundings. As they entered the waiting staff took her cloak, revealing a dress he'd never seen before. He glanced over at his tiny companion appreciatively. This must be the dress she was supposed to wear the princess' upcoming ball in Seyruun. The girls had been fussing over it for days. He was suddenly glad Amelia had dragged him all over creation to carry boxes for them. That was the only reason he remembered it. Those boxes had weighted more than the average mule did. But just maybe the princess had known what she was talking about his time.

The expensive trimmings around them seemed to accentuate the red head's fiery beauty. The manager hadn't been lying when he said they had the perfect formula for a romantic evening. Part of Gourry's mind absently wondered what the exact proportions of lighting, level of background noise, and diverse quantification of food might be. But even that thought failed to engage the normally logical portion of his brain. Once again Lina's sheer proximity had caused it to short circuit.

He found the luminosity of her skin much more intriguing that that of the candles in front of them. The white table cloth was a perfect contrast to the sharp geometric cuts on the shoulders and neckline of her dark blue dress. Another part of his mind vaguely wondered if the cuts in back were identical. It was hard to tell from this angle. Her hair had once again broken out of its temporary confinement, as wild as its owner was. But it fit somehow. Like that much vaunted theory about order lying hidden deep within the chaos. If that was true, its primary example was sure to be Lina. She looked perfect. Perhaps, this hypothesis was correct after all. He was anxious to see how the rest of the evening would play out.

Lina frowned as she noticed his preoccupation with her present attire. She pulled at the dress awkwardly, with a grimace of annoyance. Then she muttered, "It was the only thing I had that fit the stupid dress code here." She glared at the pristine table cloth and the utensils upon it, as if blaming them for her present predicament.

The blonde had had enough experience with Lina to know they were trouble if he didn't diffuse the situation soon. He glanced around for their waiter, knowing that food was the best solution and distraction. As well as the basis of his current conjecture. A man in a pristine apron caught the swordsman's eye. He nodded and disappeared as another waiter materialized with a dark green bottle and started pouring it into their glasses.

"Cheer up, Lina. I'm sure the food will be here any moment."

She took a large sip from her glass before pausing thoughtfully. The sorceress swallowed once before giving her beverage a surprised look. Lina swirled in once in her glass before gulping the rest down. Then she held out her glass imperiously at the shocked waiter. He recovered quickly and refilled the glass, before leaving the bottle on the table. Lina had already dismissed him and looked up at Gourry with a pleased smile.

"This stuff isn't bad. Kind of bubbly, but still good. You did a good job."

Gourry felt his face soften at the compliment. Then, just as quickly, she squealed. The food had arrived. The swordsman had asked the manager to bring it out in an orderly, but rapid, succession. They also brought Lina twice as much so she would feel no need to steal all of his while he observed her. The manager had been doubtful, but Gourry had insisted. He knew Lina's habits well. Thankfully, food was as good, and as plentiful, as he'd been promised. The swordsman was pleased with the way that this dinner was going. He ate his meal automatically, savoring the red head's pleasure more than the dishes he was consuming. There was something satisfying in the confirmation of one's favorite hypothesis, a full stomach, and the company of the woman you loved.

He glanced up to look once more at her ruby eyes alive in their enjoyment of the meal, but they had gone curiously flat. They were filled instead with loathing. Lina's utensils lie on the table, dormant. Her hands were curled up in tight little fists. The sorceress' voice was dangerously soft.

"Tell me that isn't what I think it is."

Gourry looked up, confused by this sudden turn in conversation. Had he missed something important? He didn't think she'd been talking to him. No one had yet appeared and interrupted their meal. No monsters, dark lords, or other strangely annoying companions were in evidence. Then he followed her horrified gaze. There on the table layed a platter with a small vegetable like looking creature. Gourry bent over his menu, looking for its name. He was rewarded with an answer after a few second's scanning. He pointed to a small sketch on the menu. "I think that's the _'Nudibranch au' Naturale'_ their specialty dish."

He assessed the abnormal little lump once more. It seemed to be the most likely classification. The item on the table was log shaped with a weird combination of green and white stripes crossing its length. Little pink dots were scattered around the edges, giving it a pleasing contrast in color. He looked at Lina. It was odd for her to be so still with food around.

Her face had blanched white. Concern began to overtake him. "Lina, what's wrong? I thought you liked seafood. Besides, this looks like an ordinary vegetable."

The little sorceress shrunk into her chair, quivering slightly in her blue dress. "It's just…it's just that…" Her voice petered out.

Gourry looked at the sorceress in concern. Was she sick? Had she eaten something too fast? That had never happened before. "Lina, what's wrong?"

Lina swallowed dryly and gave a shaky little laugh. "It's just that those things in front look a lot like eye stalks."

Gourry couldn't control the puzzled look that came across his face. "Eye stalks?"

The sorceress seemed to be having trouble talking. "You know…like the tall things…on the front…" she swallowed heavily. Her voice was unnaturally high as she finished, "...of a slug."

Her protector poked it experimentally with his fork. Its skin bounced back like rubber, but it didn't move. What was her problem? He tried to be enthusiastic. "See, Lina! Even if it is a slug, it's dead. No problem!"

Lina's voce was bordering on hysteria. "What do you mean, 'No problem'?"

The swordsman was curious how the obvious had eluded her. She was a sorcery genius after all. He tried to speak slowly and kindly, as if she really were the child she first appeared to be. "Well, if it's dead, then we can eat it, right?"

Lina's voice was final, her voice rising with each syllable. "**_I. Am. Not. Eating. A. Slug!"_**

The blonde swordsman looked around in concern; the other patrons were looking up from their candlelit dinners and staring. He had an uncomfortable feeling that they were causing a bigger scene than was usual. And that the patrons here weren't used to the kind of fits that Lina was accustomed to throwing. He began to mentally calculate the odds of leaving with both the restaurant and all of its patrons still intact. They were much lower than he'd hoped and were growing significantly lower with each breath the little red head took. If only he could figure out what had set her off. He tried soothing her as he ignored the stares the wait staff was giving them.

"Lina, shhh!" He looked around once more. "It's kind of rude not to eat their specialty dish, isn't it? Besides, you were excited about it when we were back at then inn…"

The petite sorceress was not mollified. "_Rude? RUDE_? You call me _rude_ when you bring me to a restaurant that serves slugs to its diners?"

Gourry tried to tactfully point out her flaw in reasoning. "But they aren't slugs—they're nudibranches. The menu says right here…"

She cut him off as she jumped up from the table. "Gourry, I _HATE_ slugs! You know that!"

The blonde swordsman cast his mind back. This must have come up some time in the past. Was it an important thing to know? He knew the memory was back there somewhere. It mocked him, eluding his tenuous mental grasp. It was no use. He was drawing a blank. Funny how he could remember obscure formulas, do large summations in his head, but so many other things simply drifted away forever. Hopefully, it would come back to him soon.

Lina continued yelling, her face getting brighter with each new phrase. Gourry failed to hear what she was saying, though he knew it must be important. Math always had a way of distracting him. Especially if what was being said wasn't useful. His attention rested curiously on the geometric patterns on her shoulders. The now pink flesh exposed there clashed badly with the dark blue of her dress. People were staring at them open-mouthed. Whatever Lina was saying must be pretty spectacular. He shook himself out of his temporary stupor to focus on what she was saying. She wasn't red enough to be threatening a Dragon Slave quite yet.

Words poured out on her mouth, indignant, but not in any particular logical order. Even after using a few of the ciphers he knew.

"…how could you even _suggest_...do you even know…my sister used to…" Lina paused to shudder in horror. Then she covered her eyes. "I can't even look at it!"

The petite sorceress stood there, a comical, but deadly, show of both fury and fright. If he hadn't been so concerned, he might have laughed. There stood the woman of his dreams, with one hand covering her eyes and the other fist shaking angrily in the air. "If it wasn't dead, I'd Dragon Slave you to Seyruun!"

The swordsman was confused. Lina seemed to be balancing between deadly threats to his life (common) and a panic attack (uncommon) over the restaurant's specialty dish. It was amazing. Who would have believed that the same woman who regularly showed down dark lords without batting an eye could be so afraid of a little sea creature? He almost felt bad for it. But, if that was the way she felt about it, maybe he should just eat it. Then she'd have nothing to complain about. After all, the simplest solutions tended to be the best. He looked down, intending to save his fair companion that way. But the plate was empty.

Gourry was puzzled by its absence. Then the solution neatly presented itself. Of course! The ever helpful waiters here must have removed it when they saw Lina's reaction to it. Their specialty was the food of the heart, and seeing that she didn't find the slug to be romantic, they had removed it from their presence! He sighed quietly in relief and turned to thank them for their timely aid. But the waiting staff stood cowering in the corner. Their faces seemed to be fixed in rictuses of horror as they looked towards their table. Well, he couldn't blame them. Lina was a trifle upset at the moment. He gently turned to her.

"Lina, it's gone."

Her voice was suddenly child-like again. "It's gone?"

She peeked through a crack between her fingers. "Really?"

He looked at his beautiful companion. As unpredictable as ever, she suddenly looked like an angel. Shy and innocent. "Really," he reassured her.

"Oh." She gave him a small smile. For one moment, all of her defenses where down. Food really had been the secret to winning her heart! Or at least, saving her from it was. Gourry struggled, wondering what he should do now. She gazed back at him with much the same look.

At this point, the couple suddenly became aware of patrons screaming all around them. Chairs scraped loudly as people hurriedly vacated their seats. Lina and Gourry shot each other questioning looks as the patrons, and then waiting staff, surrendered themselves to complete hysteria. Gourry was confused. Couldn't they tell that Lina was feeling much better now? The scary part was all over and the situation was now under control. He looked about distractedly and saw the cause of their panic a split second before Lina did.

The waiting staff had not removed the offensive dish. The entrée had been responsible for its own disappearance. Their meal, after being poked by his fork, had apparently decided to make a run for it. So far it had managed to glide slowly across the table, down the tablecloth, and across the dining room's floor. And there it was now, creeping slowly out the door. Its little eye stalks waved happily as it followed the salty scent of sea air. Gourry sympathized with its unspoken desire to obtain freedom once again. He silently wished it well, but apparently Lina did not feel the same.

Lina came flying around the table and grabbed his waist. "Don't let it get me! Please don't let it get me!" She looked up imploringly at him, eyes watering. "Kill it! Kill it!" She gave a small hiccup between her quivering pleas. It took a moment for Gourry's mind to insert the proper spaces between the words that issued forth form her mouth at nearly the speed of light.

He reluctantly tried to pull her off so he could go deal with the nudibranch, but she wouldn't let go. Granted it was something he'd ordinarily have no complaint about, but he'd had something a little different, and a lot more private, in mind.

"Don't leave me," she begged.

It unnerved Gourry to see Lina so unglued. He turned on the escaped entrée. It seemed a shame to kill the little guy, especially after his heroic jail break. But Gourry was well aware of the fact that Lina, should she see it again, might do something rash. Or break down into tears. He wasn't sure which would be more disturbing. But there she was, pleading for his protection.

He mentally shook himself. With a little math, this should be doable. He reached for the fork next to him on the table and calculated the distance between them and the door. Given the slime slugs were said to produce, he could save both their lives if he was careful. He waited for an additional before letting his cutlery fly across the room with unerroring precision. Well, almost. The fork grazed the little nudibranch's back and buried its tines firmly into the ground. It inched forward more quickly and rounded the door jam, completely out of Lina's sight. Gourry frowned. Perhaps he needed to tighten up his training regime a bit. Or he'd incorrectly underestimated the friction coefficient of the nudibranch's outer covering. After all, he'd never seen one before today and it was rather far away. Still, the slug had escaped with its life and Lina was appeased. She looked up at him once again.

"Is it gone?"

He smiled fondly down at her a perfectly heart shaped face. She was beautiful. And the mind behind the face was even more intriguing. He waited a moment for her to relax before telling her what lie in his heart. She sagged slightly before instantly tensing up again. Now it was Gourry's turn to begin shaking.

Her face turned a brilliant shade of red as she noticed the way they had their arms wrapped around each other. She quickly stepped back and throwing his hands off her and into the air.

"Pervert! What on earth were you thinking?! Taking advantage of a girl's weakness like that! And bringing me to a place where they serve live sea slugs! I oughta…" Her lips began a silent, but extremely quick, chant.

The muscular swordsman took a frantic step backwards. That was the beginning of a Dragon Slave and she was going much too fast for him to avoid it. Gourry looked desperately from side to side looking for something dense enough to deflect some of the upcoming damage. But it was too late, the sorceress was finished. Her eyes gleamed maniacally.

Gourry cringed as she completed the spell's release word. But all that issued forth from her petite hands was a little poof of black smoke. Her mouth worked furiously. His mind similarly began a frantic count of the days since the last time her magic had fritzed out like that. Four weeks to the day. The swordsman relaxed. It was a rather timely occurrence, both for him and the restaurant.

The relief washing over him somehow managed to quell the inadvisable thing he'd just thought about saying. This was probably for the best. The combined humiliation of Lina's reaction to the nudibranch and her sudden loss of magic proved to be too much for the sorceress to handle in public. She gave him a deadly glare and prepared to storm out the front door. Lina stopped for a moment before exiting and grabbed the waiter there by the collar. She looked eviler than Xelloss ever had, but her voice was surprisingly timid.

"There aren't any slugs still out there, are there?"

The young man dropped his platter in fear and began quivering. Lina shook him a few times, thinking he was being obstinate. The young man's man opened mostly in self defense. "No ma'am. But there is another door over there, if you want to use that instead."

Lina looked at the side door and then at the front door once more. "I think I'll just go out the other way." She walked quickly towards the side door muttering, "Just in case…"

Gourry began to stride after her, but was stopped by an insistent tug of the sleeve. As if from thin air, the restaurant's owner and manager had reappeared. He cleared his throat politely. "Excuse me sir, but there's the matter of your bill."

The golden haired swordsman shook his head in protest. "But we didn't get to finish our meal."

The suave dining professional looked down at the floor. "It is most unfortunate that your nudibranch was, shall we say, a little underdone. A most regrettable mistake. However, our policy is that once the food leaves the building, whether or not it's of its own accord, the meal is no longer refundable."

Gourry could tell he wasn't going to budge. He had the same intractable look that Lina had about when it came to coughing up money. He had less than a one percent chance of successfully leaving it without paying. But he supposed the man really did earn his money. No matter how little they'd actually gotten to eat. He sadly emptied most of his money bag and then quickly trailed Lina back to the inn.

She stayed ahead of him the whole way, firmly ignoring his existence.

"Lina, wait!"

Upon entering the inn, she continued across the room in a huff, barely pausing to nod to Zel and Amelia. The chimera and the princess sat eating a late, if plain, supper. Amelia called happily to Lina, but she ignored her. Surprised, Zelgadis invited her to dine with them as well. But Lina continued across the room without even a pause as she answered.

"I'm not hungry and, if you talk to me again tonight, I'll kill you both."

With that she stormed up the inn's stairs and slammed the door to her room. The chimera and the princess shot the swordsman questioning glances. Gourry just shook his head and retreated to the bathes to mentally reassess what exactly had gone wrong. As he soaked, he wished the little slug well wherever he might be. Perhaps, he would be luckier in love than the swordsman had been tonight.

* * *

**A/N**: For those still wondering, the term 'nudibranch' is a broad scientific classification for sea slugs. They are charming gorgeous little creatures. (I've always wanted one for a pet.) The one described in this fic is a variety of the common lettuce sea slug. The idea of their dinner escaping while they argued was actually my brother's, but the nudibranch was all mine.

For those of you interested, Little Kaeso did, in fact, escape back to the sea. Eventually, he found another sea slug so inclined and had a large family of baby nudibranches to care for. He regularly told the story of his daring escape to his children and grandchildren, but no one believed him. After all, they reasoned that although those four scratches on his side were a little irregular, he could have just as easily brushed into a sharp patch of coral late at night. Besides, everyone knew there was no such thing as land monsters. They were just superstitious tales old nudibranches told to scare young nudibranches from venturing too far away from the reef.


	4. Chapter 3 A Multifaceted Problem

Um—kind of nervous about writing anything here. Hi. It's been a long while. Mostly because I've developed a large aversion to proofreading and editing my own work. That and life seems to keep interfering. But I've decided to give it another go. My goal this year is to finish all of my hanging stories. Because they are all planned out (and in some cases written in unattached chucks). Please know I did my best with the editing and I hope the writing styles match decently after my long hiatus. On with the story.

**General Disclaimer**— I don't own Slayers. Or make any money off of them. They rightfully belong to Hajime Kanazaka. Although perhaps if I had Lina or L-sama as my task masters I'd procrastinate a lot less:)

* * *

The bathhouse was always a good place to think. The steam helped clear his head. It also helped ease the sting of his recent failure. But a life dedicated to mathematics and swordplay had taught Gourry persistence, if nothing else. It was back to the old chalk slate. The blond swordsman stared at the wood grain under his feet, looking for the same answer he had been seeking ever since he met the Dragoon Spooker. He peered deeper and deeper into the pattern until a voice disturbed his spatial quandaries.

"What was that that all about?"

The blonde man shrugged. "Lina didn't like her dinner. How was your trip?"

The chimera's face was a story in itself. "Terrible."

Gourry nodded in sympathy. He knew Zel wanted a cure, but could never quite remember why. So it seemed best just to nod. And steer the conversation safely back towards something non-Lina related.

"You and Amelia had a late dinner."

Zelgadis sighed. "The healer was a psychotic health nut. She and Amelia got into an argument over the justice of banning chocolate from the town. Then the woman called Amelia 'fat' and our peace loving princess introduced her to a fireball. Then Amelia pouted all the way back to the inn. She kept asking me if I thought she was overweight. I had to buy her dinner to 'prove' to her she wasn't. Then she ate enough to feed three men."

Gourry's grimace was unfeigned.

"Lina's starting to rub off on her."

"Tell me about it." Zelgadis leaned back and closed his eyes, signaling the end of his rather uncharacteristic rant. "Honestly, how did life get so complicated? And what's keeping me from simplifying it again?"

There was only one possible answer to that question. Especially in light of his recent night out. "Women," he answered.

The stone man grunted empathetically in agreement.

* * *

The blonde mathematician tried to develop a new theory pertaining to the secret of Lina's heart as they walked through the next few towns. It was her insistence that they go bandit hunting that sparked a new, if somewhat conventional, theory. There she sat, looking every inch a queen (and not just the one of his heart) counting treasure. She squealed in approval as a green gem threw sun-filled rainbows all around her. It was then that Gourry's brain kicked into overdrive.

Aside from eating, Lina's grin was generally fullest right after she raided a bandit camp and sat admiring her 'hard worn' loot. He'd noticed before that girls liked sparkly objects. Perhaps in this instance, Lina was very much the maiden she claimed to be. Before Gourry had catalogued women who were interested in pretty baubles as being 'shallow.' But, perhaps gifts like jewelry were okay, _**if**_ there was something underneath their exterior to back it up. And no one could back themselves up like Lina. In conversation, at the buffet table, or in battle, his fiery red head was a force to be reckoned with. So jewelry it was.

Considerable effort went into planning his next experiment. Though the blonde man might not be the brightest coin in the chest, he immediately knew that finding Lina the perfect piece of jewelry was going to be a challenge.

Magically enhanced gems were immediately disqualified. After all, the swordsman wasn't well versed in magic. It made more sense for Lina to select magical items she specifically needed and were well tailored to her abilities. Besides, Lina already had several talismans. He wanted to give her something unique.

This also raised the question of accessory type. Lina was awfully fond of the earrings she currently had. In all the years they traveled together, he had never seen her wear anything else. Despite the numerous opportunities she'd had to switch them out. So no earrings. Not a ring either. That would probably be implying a little too much. And, though the swordsman was ready to make such a commitment, the young red head definitely was not.

There were other factors involved as well. As a sorcery genius, and skilled bandit hunter, Lina had a sharp and discerning eye when it came to gems. She knew quality and expected it in all of her accessories. Then there was size. As an adventurer, the sorceress had to balance gem size and shape with practicality. Extra weight was not only an inconvenience when fighting, but also provided one's opponent with an additional item to grip. Her new accessory either had to be skin tight or easily removed. It was also quite easy to get jewelry caught on something in the midst of a heated battle. A split second could sometimes make all the difference between life and death.

With all this in mind, and a fair hand at protecting his hard earned travel money, the swordsman decided to buy a simple, but elegant, necklace. His sharp eyes lighted on many a jeweler's stand, but Gourry soon discovered that nothing quite fit the petite sorceress. This one was too big. Another had a setting with too high a probability of snagging in a fight. This stone's quality was too low. That one was priced outrageously high. Gourry began to despair of ever finding the perfect necklace. But he hated to abandon the idea so early on. What if this was the secret to Lina's heart and he missed out on it? No, he'd just have to keep looking.

Once he found it, the swordsman would need a controlled environment to present it in as well. The true problem would be removing the other variables from the equation. It should be presented slightly after the sorceress had eaten, so as to pacify her appetite first. The swordsman would have to give it to her slightly removed from the main party, so Lina could save face. His fiery red head didn't like to be embarrassed by talk of feelings. Yet it had to be close enough to town so 1) she was unlikely to get the wrong idea and 2) so even if she did, there would be someone to drag him to the healer's. Or, failing that, at least identify his body afterwards. Lina started to act funny if she thought you wanted to kiss her—which he did. But Gourry knew better than to be the one to tell her that. It would be better if she came to that conclusion on her own. And, preferably, was the one who decided to act on it first.

It was in the middle of this particular thought that the red haired sorceress stopped dead in her tracks.

"What did you say?"

Gourry instantly began looking for the unfortunate soul who just invoked Lina's wrath. Amelia appeared to be the latest victim of the Dragon Spooker's wrath. He was somewhat relieved to find out it wasn't him. After all, his mouth was famous for opening without his approval and he'd been unsure whether or not he'd said that last bit out loud.

The pink faced princess continued to stammer guiltily. "Well, we just happen to be nearby the annual Lovebird's Festival. I though it would be nice if we all went together."

She gulped audibly as their fearless leader turned a darker shade of red.

"And you 'just thought' it would be a good time to pass through there, huh? It wouldn't have anything to do with a certain chimera would it?" Lina replied cynically.

A quick spot check on the chimera's current location revealed him to be walking far ahead of the main group. Thankfully, Zel didn't seem to have heard.

Gourry was not surprised that the princess had brought such a festival up. What did amaze him was Lina's well tailored counter argument.

"Isn't it rather _unjust_ of you to divert Zel from his current quest?" Lina grinned evilly, pitting Amelia against her own strict morals.

However, the princess continued stubbornly on. "Mr. Zelgadis won't mind. There's a rumor related to his cure in that town."

The Enemy of All Who Lived looked nonplussed. Cure or not, it was clear she still found this love stuff to be strictly for the birds. So to speak.

Amelia finally made a not so subtle appeal to the sorceress' appetite. "It's just that the food is rumored to be really good. And cheap too."

The princess put on a brave front, but there was a quaver in her voice Gourry was willing to bet her deportment teacher had not included in her elocution lessons. But it was enough to divert Lina's attention. The sorceress' bad mood suddenly evaporated.

"Why didn't you say that in the first place? Let's get going!"

* * *

The town itself was covered in decorations. Gourry wasn't sure why birds needed their own festival. In fact, he didn't see any real birds anywhere. But that didn't seem to distress any of the townsfolk. They all rushed about gaily laughing, talking, and, to Lina's great delight, consuming delicious looking food. The blonde smiled fondly as he began to calculate how much time would pass before his beloved would consume enough food to force the stalls to close. There was actually a six percent chance that the booths would still contain some food in two hours time. After all, they'd had a fairly decent lunch today.

It was then that he saw it. The perfect necklace for the fire demon who had unwittingly captured his heart.

He'd almost passed by it at first. This stand didn't have many of the fashionably cut stones young women seemed to favor. Instead, the stones were polished carefully so their natural lines and flecks shone in the sun. Most of them were set in fairly plain settings of silver or gold. But a few earrings and pendants were tightly secured, wrapped fast in golden wire. One tear shaped pendant wrapped in gold sat prominently in the center of his display. Beautiful, but lacking the flare of life that his love put into everything she touched and did. As such, Gourry had almost passed the stand by before a flash of red light caught his eye. Puzzled, the swordsman backed up a step. No red stones sat on anywhere on the table. He must be so hungry he was hallucinating. Oh well, the food stalls nearby were sure to fix that.

He took another step forward before he was beset by another beacon of red light. The mathematician-turned-fighter stopped in fascination. Back and forth he stepped. And each time, he was rewarded by a red light. Intrigued, the swordsman bent over the display. A flare of light emitted from a clear tear shaped pendant. From one angle, the stone was a deep sapphire blue. From another, it was a deep ruby red. The faucets on the gem were so tiny, they were almost invisible. Better yet, it was carefully wrapped in wires of gold. Rounded edges like theses meant it was unlikely to snag on anything during a fight. The stone's setting was also strong. This meant if it were snapped off the chain during battle, the pendant would survive. And Lina would still be free to fight unhindered by her jewelry. That just left the issue of magic. Gourry paused, turning over the reflective properties of light over in his head. Was it mathematically possible for a gem to change colors like that without being enchanted?

A cough diverted Gourry from the mathematical and reflective propensities of light. The gem's current owner beamed at him.

"Ah, a young man of discerning tastes! You have a fine eye for the improbable and the unique."

The owner scooped up the pendant and held it up to the light. As it twisted, the colors of the stone changed back and forth. From blue to red and red to blue. It was as if a fire suddenly lit in the blue stone's inner recesses and then vanished without a trace. Then, just as everything looked normal once again, the fire would blossom forth in a dazzling display of impishness.

"Does magic make it do that?"

The shopkeeper was highly offended. "Magic? On one of my stones? Absolutely not! It's a rare and natural occurring stone. However, the stone's matrix is high enough to hold a high level spell, if that is the new owner's desire."

Gourry nodded sagely. It was the necklace he had been looking for. "How much is it?"

The merchant smiled and quoted a price that would empty the swordsman's money bag completely.

The blonde mercenary gulped. His eyes automatically drifted over to the little sorceress happily munching a pile of pastries a few booths over. She smiled around a mouthful and waved.

"Come on, Gourry! They're getting cold."

She flashed him a large smile before demolishing another sweet flaky confection. The blonde's heart fluttered in response. He looked up at the shop keeper, head still spinning.

"Is this for that young lady over there?" The jeweler gestured at the tiny sorceress who had just received another giant stack of blueberry pies.

The swordsman was vaguely aware of the intoxicated grin covering his face as he nodded.

"Well, she has quite a healthy appetite. Tell you what. I'll cut you a deal. It's a festival for lovers, after all. How about a 10% discount, eh? And send me an invitation to your wedding."

Gourry swallowed twice before responding. It seemed a bit premature, but if this hypothesis was correct, he saw no reason not to agree. If Lina was as happy as he hoped, perhaps she would be willing to pay for the inn tonight. They'd need to raid a few more bandit camps tomorrow though. The jeweler enclosed the necklace in a small velvet bag before relinquishing it to the swordsman. He pocketed it before heading over to the waiting sorcery genius. Just in time too. The tiny sorceress was getting antsy.

"Geez. What took you so long Gourry? I had to eat all your pies 'cause they were getting cold. I've been here ten minutes already."

The blonde swordsman began apologizing, but his love immediately perked up.

"What's that?"

Gourry looked down in puzzlement.

"That's my sword. Are you okay? Maybe you ate those pies too fast."

He put his hand out to check her temperature. She swatted his hand away in aggravation.

"Not that, jellyfish for brains. I meant that."

It was then that he saw it. A small corner of grey velvet traitorously sticking out of his pocket. The swordsman quickly danced backwards.

"Uhhh…it's nothing!"

'Did you buy something from that vendor?"

The blonde scratched his head and laughed nervously. "Buy something? Of course not. "

Lina's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Don't be an idiot. There's something in your pocket. Let me see it."

She reached for the bag.

Everything would be ruined if she saw it here! There were too many outside variables. And there were far, far too many people. She'd Dragon Slave him for sure. Best to wait her out and try again later.

Sensing his impending refusal, the capricious red head concluded that a change of tactics was in order. She flashed him a cute smile before speaking again.

"Awww, Gourry. Is it a surprise for me?"

The swordsman's heart began to beat erratically, but his mind shouted even louder. The experiment. Don't forget the experiment. Just say no!

But wait—if she figured out what it was and he said no, then she'd think it was for some other woman. That would be even worse. He was aware of the silent battle both she and Slyphiel were engaged in and wisely stayed 'oblivious' to it all. But if she thought this was for Slyphiel, he knew she might do what she'd done with her previous traveling companions. She might disappear forever. Lina was too proud to lose—even if she hadn't decided whether or not she was playing the game yet. His mind spun with possible repercussions. Tell her yes. Tell her no. Tell her the truth? The swordsman's mouth tried to catch up with all of the thoughts running through his mind.

"No…errr…yes. I mean, kind of… but not now?"

The redhead's voice was plaintive. "If it's for me, I want it now."

"Um, I think we should wait. Maybe later."

Lina shot him a look. "No one gets between me and my treasure. Not even you Gourry."

The swordsman recognized the determined look in her eyes. It signaled the onslaught of mayhem and wanton destruction. The ex-swordsman of light backed away quickly, getting ready to sprint as soon as she caught on. Perhaps if he got just far enough out of town before she caught him, he could still present it to her in a mostly controlled environment. Her mood wouldn't be quite right, but it was the best shot he had at getting out of this with his experiment in one piece.

"Oh no, you're not getting away."

His favorite, if somewhat over-focused, fairy of destruction lunged after him. A possessive and maniacal gleam shone in her eyes. Well experienced, in the game of keep-alive Lina so loved playing, Gourry began dodging around vendor's booths. The sorceress followed close on his heels.

People jumped out of the way as he successfully eluded Lina's attempts at snagging the necklace. Over went a booth selling hair ribbons and combs. Lina laughed in light hearted glee as she crested the stand. Gourry ran towards the main road, hoping for the reprieve of wilderness. In the distance lay a grove of trees, surely heralding an end to this mad race of love. The question was whether or not he'd succeed. The Enemy of All Who Lived was gaining on him.

Though the swordsman believed in making as little mess as possible, he knew that Lina had no such compunctions. And if he intended to make it to the forest in safety, with his experiment still intact, he was going to have to introduce another factor into this equation. Namely more obstacles.

Gourry twisted through several more street hawkers before he saw a chance to introduce some slippery mayhem into the mix. Thus he purposely knocked over a cauldron of brown liquid they had been dipping berries into. The young woman in front of it was covered in brownish goo. He murmured a quick apology to her and her escort as he ran by at increasing speeds. Lina was still right on his tail. Apparently she had dodged just in time. Rats!

Shouting half excuses to the people he met, Gourry continued to zigzag through the stands and game booths assembled in the town square. Stuffed bears and penguins showered down around them. All in all, the swordsman was proud of the limited amount of destruction they were causing. So far he estimated that the normal amount of Lina induced damage to this town had been reduced by over 60%. And might stay that way, if they made it through the town without anything larger than a fireball being thrown.

It was just as Gourry was congratulating himself that he discovered that he had somehow managed to veer away from his intended destination. Lina sensing his faux pas went for the tackle. The swordsman tried for a quick change in direction, but slipped on a small puddle of water

Time slowed as he watched his beloved troublemaker soar over him and land with a large splash into the tub that currently served as the fair's goldfish pond. All noise in the square ceased as the Lina sat dripping, surrounded by small aquatic denizens. A stray ball, meant to be pitched into the floating cup Lina had displaced, bounced off the sorceress' head with a small thunk. A small child, presumably the ball's owner, burst into tears. The sorceress said nothing as she sat ever so still amidst the gently flopping fish. The blonde mathematician felt his survival probability plummet solidly towards zero and very wisely began to run faster than ever.

Gourry was already passing the town's local fountain when he noticed his other traveling companions standing idly by. Zelgadis and Amelia gave the heaving blonde a surprised glance, effectively tearing their attention from the large rock outcropping they'd previously been inspecting.

"I think it's time for us to go," Gourry puffed, his hands resting on his knees.

Amelia turned. "Are you finished, Mister Zelgadis?

The chimera shook his head. "Not yet. Help me finish translating this last bit here first. The town's vaunted 'fountain of attraction' is obviously enchanted water meant to bring things into harmony. But if my sources are right, there used to be two fountains here."

The white sorceress clapped happily. "I see! According to the laws of balance, the other fountain should have been an opposing source. Perhaps something that could divide something's nature. If it works then you could use it to separate the human part of you from the chimeric parts!"

Zelgadis gave her a rare smile. "Exactly!"

The blonde swordsman didn't understand what was so important, but knew that his companions were completely oblivious to the danger soon to be upon them.

"Ermm...I think it's really important that we go now."

Zel continued to mutter to himself as Amelia exclaimed, "Look! It says right here why the fountain was sealed!"

The chimera immediately gave her his undivided attention as he read the portion she was pointing to. Then he gave a heavy sigh, completely unaware of the swordsmen tugging at his cape. "No wonder it was sealed."

"Don't be sad, Mr. Zelgadis, I know that love and justice will prevail. Your cure will turn up soon."

Zel just sighed as the princess patted his arm in consolation. "Now what?"

"I think Mr. Gourry was saying something about wanting to leave."

He shrugged. "Now that we know that the rumors are false, why not?"

The princess blinked several times in confusion. "Speaking of Mr. Gourry, where did he go?"

The confused travelers located the swordsmen about thirty seconds later—quivering in front of the main fountain. He was (quite unsuccessfully) hoping to go unnoticed by the sorceress slowly descending into the town square. An angry red aura blazed about her as water dripped from her fiery locks and cape.

"Oh, don't think you're getting away that easy. Not after what you did to me."

Gourry gulped. That incantation was familiar—but boded far worse than a measly fireball or two. After some quick calculations regarding water mass and thermal energy, the swordsman realized that he would be much better off on the far side of the fountain. The water should help absorb some of the Megabrand's energy through evaporation. And maybe leave a good portion of the town still standing. He made a mad dash for it.

The energy left Lina's hands just as Zel and Amelia realized the implication of their fearless leader's actions.

"Noooo!"

The results were much as Gourry had hoped for. Zel and Amelia had cleared the blast radius as well. A few of the nearby buildings had been demolished, but the rest remained intact and standing. Most of the spell's energy had been absorbed and evaporated the water in the town's main fountain leaving it somewhat scorched and utterly devoid of water. However, this would not prove to be a problem as Lina's spell had also completely vaporized the boulder that Zelgadis had been interested in earlier. A fountain of water spurted forth and gently showered both the empty fountain and the townspeople. The people watched in wonder as the water fell gently upon them. Then their looks of mild bemusement turned ugly. Zel and Amelia began to back up rather quickly.

"Uh, Miss Lina…you might want to run now."

The sorceress remained unconcerned. "It was just a couple of buildings. They should be glad that the damage was so minor."

At this point, one of the townsfolk tried to impale her with a bread knife. Several other ordinary everyday implements were picked up by other individuals and brandished in a rather menacing manner.

The red haired sorceress frowned. "Sheesh, what's their problem?"

'Well, that boulder you vaporized might kind of have been sealing up a spring a poisoned by a Mazoku long ago," Amelia said nervously.

One of Lina's eyebrow rose in mild surprise."What did it do?"

"It made people ruthless violent for days. That's why it was warded and sealed away. They kept the love spring meant to cure its victims and used it to boost the local economy with their love festivals."

A pitchfork landed in front of the sorceress, still vibrating from the impact of landing tine down and burying itself deep into the ground.

The sorceress supreme considered her options. "I think now might be a good time to find another town to stay in."

Lina began to run as well, finally joining the rest of her group, as a crowd of violent townsfolk followed in their wake.

* * *

Several hours, and many miles later, the group of weary travelers finally felt it safe enough to rest.

"I think we finally lost them."

The chimera grimaced as he collapsed against a tree. "What on earth upset you enough to Megabrand _**that**_ particular festival?"

The petite sorceress smacked herself in the forehead. "I almost forgot what started this whole ordeal in the first place."

She turned with a smile to the swordsman. "Where's my present, Gourry?"

Considering the cost of trying to keep it from her before, Gourry decided to just give it to her. It couldn't be much worse than the mob they had already faced today. He reached into his left pocket. And then frowned as he patted his right pocket. Mystified, he turned them both inside out. But both pockets remained astonishingly empty. The blonde swordsman thought a moment before offering a plausible hypothesis as to the jewel's whereabouts.

"Well, I think I dropped it the third time that man with the meat hook tried to kill me."

"You what?" Lina drooped with disappointment. "Great. All that fuss and no present to show for it."

Gourry was too tired to be properly afraid. He could only hope that Lina was also too fatigued to properly dispense her own brand of justice.

The sorceress gave him a shrewd and calculating look. "Well, then you can pay for tonight's inn to make up for all the trouble you caused!"

Zelgadis muttered something skeptically about the source of today's trouble, but the sorceress chose to ignore him.

Gourry smiled gratefully. Lina must be pretty exhausted if she was going to let him off so easy. He was about to agree when his brain began waving a little red flag of panic. Oh, right. His money bag.

"I'd love to Lina, but…Well, you see, I kind of spent all my money on your gift, so I don't have any money."

The Enemy of All Who Lived turned a murderous shade of red.

Gourry barely had enough time to blink before the world flashed a brilliant red and then went dark.

* * *

**A/N:** Poor Gourry. Out like a light—not too unlike the jewel that he wanted to give Lina. For those interested, dichromatic stones (stones that change color depending on the angle they are viewed) do exist! Some primary examples include alexandrite, iolite, and watermelon tourmaline. I confess to fibbing a bit in the story though. There is no natural stone in existence that changes from dark blue to dark red. Gourry was right—red and blue are too far away on the in frequencies on the visible spectrum. Dichromatic stones generally reflect two wavelengths of light that are near each other (like purple to blue OR green to red). Nothing short of magic would produce the stone described in today's story. However, my colors are more fitting for Lina and Gourry. And, if I could manipulate pleochroism in stones, this is probably the combo I'd pick for myself.


	5. Chapter 4 Death of the Written Word

**Author's Note**

A tremendous thank you to all who reviewed! Both last chapter and in the long interval between chapters 2 and 3. Believe it or not, I've been writing. Editing just takes forever. I've discovered a new disease—editor's block. Where no matter how much you edit, twice as many errors pop up in their place! Perhaps not as bad as writers block, but still heinous in my eyes. (Though more reviews might even push me through the last set of revisions on the next chapter of Lina Gets a Curse:)

In all, I hope that the end result is satisfactory and provides you with at least a few laughs. BTW, I have nothing against librarians. Most of them are wonderfully kind people and I appreciate and love them from the bottom of my heart. They helped make my childhood a very happy one. It's not my fault Gourry's past transgressions just came spilling out into the open.

**Disclaimer:** I, of course, own nothing like Slayers. The credit goes to Hanajime Kanazka and all those other marvelous people.

* * *

In light of his last two failures, Gourry decided to try waiting a little while before deciding upon, let alone implementing, yet another hypothesis. Truthfully he was more than a little nervous, but he'd been told before that the third time was lucky. And he had no reason to disbelieve that statement. It made an odd sort of sense if one thought about it the right way. Food was a superb example. There were the appetizers, the meal, and then dessert. Dessert was third, and subsequently, the best. So three being the luckiest of all rational numbers seemed mathematically justifiable. He just needed to get started! A reanalysis of his test subject seemed like the most logical place to begin.

Lina was definitely not like other girls. Her figure was not generously geometric, but her physique suited her. Slim and willowy, she could bend enough to escape the fierce wrath of a storm, but stood planted firmly enough in her convictions to never be uprooted in a cause that really mattered. So she survived where other powerful mages perished. The sorceress laughed like other girls, but underneath lay a sharp and calculating wit.

Then there was her aura. Most girls had a sweet gentle aura, something akin to a small mountain stream. Lina was more like the sun. Sometimes she emitted a gentle warmth that enveloped your entire soul. Similarly, those who carelessly exposed themselves without taking the proper protective measures, found that Lina induced stupors lead to being awakened with a nasty burn. The sorceress exuded a natural energy that sanctified all it touched. And, like a sun gone super nova, once excited, few things remained standing in her wake.

The swordsman believed the sum of these characteristics was what people referred to as 'personality.' And, if Lina had anything, she had personality in spades. Unfortunately, she often tended to overpower (and subsequently bury) a lot of the other the people they met. They just didn't know when to stop. Gourry knew a lot about stopping in regards to Lina. The problem for him was just the opposite. He was having a very difficult time getting anything started.

The blonde mercenary had previously based all of his hypotheses on his own observations. But, as he'd concluded long ago, he himself was biased. His test subject was the light of his life. However, a good experiment required unbiased and impartial information. Perhaps it was time to follow the counsel his father had always given him. Observations were only half of the material necessary to craft a good hypothesis. The other part was careful research. Perhaps that was the reason his previous attempts had failed. Gourry had observed his test subject, but he'd neglected to do any outside research.

Gourry decided to try the local libraries first. That in itself was not too difficult. After all, Lina and Zelgadis were always looking for new leads. Currently, they were looking up something about some kind of pot. The swordsman wasn't really sure why a lost container of jam was so important, but Lina seemed happy to have an enemy imminently on the horizon. And if they destroyed the evil stealer of food, it would be worthwhile. (Especially if there was some jam left over afterwards.) The prospect of having someone to fight also gave Lina purpose. It made the sorceress' life worthwhile. And, since she did the same for him, he saw no reason to fuss.

Truthfully, he often caught up on his sleep at libraries. Since all of the group's research tended to center on magical items and properties, there wasn't much he could do to help. Especially given his track record with remembering names. Generally, he'd also been pulling extra night checks on Lina (though he'd never tell the sorceress that). But between the extra night checks, and the battles he knew were coming, it was wiser to catch some shuteye. Or refine some new techniques with his sword.

It has been a while since he'd last read a book. Mathematicians weren't known for their enthralling memoirs or their proliferous writing of theroms. He'd already read everything published about math (courtesy of his father) before the age of thirteen. And fiction just wasn't as exciting as it was before he'd met Lina. Their adventures far surpassed anything he'd read in his youth. It made tales like the 'King of Cylindrical Objects' and 'The Legend of Zekrowd Abl' pale in comparison. Once again, Lina had far exceeded his expectations. But since he hadn't learned how to exactly read what was written on her heart yet, perhaps doing research would be exciting enough.

Knowing that the rest of their group was well engaged, the blonde man slipped away to the librarian's desk. She looked like most librarians. Over a certain age, well preserved, and primly engaged in the use of words. The guardian of books moved her dark rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose as she gave him a scrutinizing look. Gourry was momentarily afraid that she somehow knew all about the book he'd borrowed when he was eight. The one he'd accidently gotten chocolate cookie crumbs in, leaving 'cookie graffiti' all over pages 8 and 9 and a faint brown thumb print on the back cover that several intense scrubbings (by both his sister and himself) failed to completely remove. It had been almost six months before the librarian would let him check out a book under his own name again. His sister had had to 'co-sign' for his books in the meantime. It had been an even longer before the librarian had forgiven him enough to only sniff with perturb when he approached the checkout desk. After three more months of such treatment, he'd simply stopped checking out books at all.*

Scarily enough, she was giving him the same pointed stare that his librarian of old had given him. Gourry dug deep into the recesses of his soul, scraping up enough courage to talk to the glare of pointed agony. His next sentence came out half resolved determination and half timid squeak.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Where can I find a book about Lina Inverse?"

The librarian pointed a long thin finger at a section of books to her left. "All the horror stories are in that section. Along with all the other fiction."

When the swordsman failed to remove himself from her presence, she pursed her lips. "I said fiction. You know stories that are _not_ real."

The blonde man shook his head. "I need real stories about Lina."

The wizened woman gave him another look. "You'll need biographies then. They're over there." She went back to firmly stamping books with a large red poster.

For some reason, Gourry got the eerie feeling the librarian was imagining his face on each book she processed, despite the fact that she was pointedly ignoring him. He backed away slowly and walked to biographies in a fashion that allowed him to keep an eye on her. Thankfully, the librarian continued about her mundane tasks, seemingly less angry now that he was gone. Although it was kind of hard to tell if that was the case.

The biography section covering Lina was rather small. It contained about six books. Gourry thumbed through the first four in under two minutes. They were mostly full of badly drawn portraits and warnings for the general populace to beware of her. Good advice, but for completely the wrong reasons. And they failed to mention that it wasn't Lina's mere presence that caused destruction, but the people that unwisely invoked her wrath. But given the relative ease of that task, perhaps these warnings were for the best.

The best of the books was 'Dragon Spooker, Menace Come to Life" by an author named Dil Gear. Unlike the other books, it actually had an accurate description of Lina and her temper. But mostly it was a litany of uninspired and repetitive epithets to her existence and name. All in all, this trip to the library had been a wash. Despite the fact that (according to Zelgadis) this was one of the best libraries in the world.

What kind of books were out there? Didn't anyone know these things were blatantly false? Well…not the part about her blowing up part of Seyruun. What was this about Lina blowing up a sorcerer's guild when she was twelve? Based on prior experience, he might have to concede to that rumor as well. And there was almost nothing about her killing those dark lords (whatever their names were). These much vaunted specialists seemed to know, well, nothing. His information was at least more timely. And, apparently, a lot more accurate.

This left him with an even larger quandary. What was one supposed to do when all the research one found violated every bit of impartiality that was supposed to reign throughout science?

The swordsman left the library pondering this new impediment to his progress. Gourry sat near the door, watching people as they went by. Men walked at a fairly brisk pace, occasionally nodding to someone they knew, but generally going about their business as usual. Although, he could see one fight taking place outside the bar, it seemed that that was business as usual too. Both men were sorting out a major point of difference, but after a few swings all was taken care of and the two walked back into the bar together for another friendly drink. Business as usual.

But the women were a different story entirely. To be honest, Gourry wasn't sure what most of them were doing. They hopped from group to group, pausing here, stopping there, calling out to a friend across the market place, ignoring the person beside them. One young woman clung devotedly to her beloved's arm. It seemed to the swordsman that she too was focused on her business, until she turned, flashed him a coy smile, and batted her eyelashes. The female sex was everywhere, doing everything and nothing at once. There were no straight and simple tasks. Even the most focused looking woman was minding children, carrying bags, doing the shopping, and (in between reprimanding her two children) planning tonight's dinner out loud. It seemed to the blonde man that no one female was doing one thing by itself at one time. How could they live like that?

Suddenly, Gourry wondered how he had missed such an obvious thing. It was as if they were both from different planets. Or more correctly, solar systems, since he saw that the women, despite their erratic orbit, pulled other women, men, and children along in their wake. How was it that he had missed it before? Obviously, the swordsman knew that men and women were different (thus the inherent genetic interest in one another). And he knew that it was important that he find the secret to Lina's heart. But it now occurred to him that if more specialized research did not exist, more general research must.

But where did one find a book on women? It was such a broad topic. He couldn't imagine going back to the librarian and asking for a book on women. She was likely to beat him into the ground. Or worse yet give him one of those special looks women gave men when they thought they were being particularly disgusting. Which wasn't what he wanted either.

A loud thud startled him. A young man, whose clothing showed him to be affiliated with the library staff, had just dropped a box of beraggled books on the ground. He dusted off his hands.

"Sorry about that. Just getting rid of these before the head librarian discovers they're gone."

Gourry gave him a wary look. Apparently this young man was not as afraid of the librarian as he should be.

The young man just grinned. "I'm her assistant and it's my job to clear the old and randomly eclectic editions out of the library. Frankly, there just isn't enough room. But she keeps trying to save them, even though we have perfectly good copies of most of these books inside."

"So you mean all these books are headed for the garbage?"

"Ralph, a rare bookseller up on Book Street usually comes by and takes the ones he doesn't already have. Unfortunately, his collection is quite good, so most of these are doomed. Unless anyone passing by sees something that strikes their fancy. But I'm afraid people just aren't interested in reading these days." He shook his head sadly before returning to the quiet confines of the library.

The blonde man stared at the worn out books. It was sad to see them forlornly awaiting their possible demise. But the life of a mercenary was not really conducive to collecting books. Even so, Gourry couldn't help but glance at the covers sticking out of the box. Some of the titles were odd to say the least. 'Secrets of the Three-toed Bavarian Moth,' 'Chimerism for the Stupid' (special cure edition), and a book entitled 'Courting: A Step by Step Guide to Matters of the Heart.' That piqued the mercenary's interest. He wasn't sure what judges had to do with it, but he was currently in need of research regarding hearts. And, more specifically, information on how to win a certain someone's. Gourry picked it up in fascination and began to thumb through its pages.

"_Women, the fairer of our race, are somewhat of a mystery. And yet, their hearts and affections can be tamed with relative ease…"_

The book used some really old words and sounded a bit strange, but Gourry couldn't deny that having the process outlined step by step was a great comfort. It was like learning sword forms. You learned it step by step and practiced it until it became natural and could be executed automatically. Then later, when those forms appeared in a fight, they could be used and adjusted as needed. The book outlined the process of 'courting' Lina in a very similar fashion.

_Step One - Meet the girl and introduce yourself to her. _

According to the book, this was best done in as a 'stylish and flashy manner as possible.' But the most essential part of the meeting was that 1) he learned her name, 2) she learned his, and 3) he knew how to get in contact with her again. Any additional information, or chances to act like a gentlemen with impressive manners was a bonus. Gourry thought back to his first encounter with Lina. He still remembered a good portion of it. All the actions, if not the specific words, were permanently burned into his memory.

By all accounts, the book seemed to be correct up to this point. And, according to it, he'd done a sterling job. He'd saved her from a group of bandits quite stylishly. Better yet, he had learned Lina's name. And she had learned his, even if she often called him by other names as well. At least the sorceress was referring to him and doing so frequently. They'd also begun traveling together. Meaning he always knew how to get a hold of her, despite the fact that she was always traveling. So all in all, step one, check!

_Step Two - Find common interests_.

Well, they'd started with the Sword of Light hadn't they? Granted his interest was in keeping the weapon and hers was to get it away from him. But it had been a beginning of sorts. The sword was gone now, but they were still together. Ostensibly, it was to find him another one. But still, every time the reason for them to stick together evaporated, there was always a new reason. Another excuse to stay together. Gourry knew his reason—he loved her. That would never change. Of Lina's reasons, he wasn't quite sure. But they shared a history. An incredible past of decisive battles, funny deeds, and special moments that no one else would ever be able to duplicate. Failing that, they both loved food in a very tangible way. That was something else that would also never change. So this step was more or less under control.

_Step Three – Perform small gestures of affection to secure her gratitude_.

The mercenary thought hard. Did defeating her opponents and protecting her in battle count? Probably not. The book was suggesting things like singing her a special song, giving her flowers, or buying her special treats. According to the book, these presents should be given frequently and without prompting. The swordsman looked up consideringly. He knew his voice to be worse than indifferent and flowers weren't really Lina's thing. That left the last option—food. Given the recent sea slug debacle, he was more than a little skeptical of this theorist's suggestion. But perhaps if it was a food he knew she already liked? There was an ice cream vendor across the street. Without any further ado, the blonde haired mercenary closed the book and pocketed it. Time to test the accuracy of this so-called expert on women.

Moments later, Gourry had an ice cream cone in hand, piled high with different flavors for his beloved to try. Hopefully, she wasn't with the others. His purse was still quite low due to the jewelry fiasco, so he'd only had enough to buy one cone. His stomach growled loudly, demanding a bite of the wonderful treat before him. _This is for Lina,_ he told his stomach. _You need to see if this book has the secret to winning Lina's heart. There will be more ice cream someday, but there will never be another Lina_. It was a miserable battle. Thankfully, the sorceress was in a section not far from the door. Her red hair coursed over one hand as she stared dismally into a book's pages. Hunger was making her apathetic.

"Lina! Hey, Lina!"

The redhead looked up irritably. "What'd 'a want, Gourry? I'm trying to…" Lina petered off as she was confronted by the large ice cream cone in his hand.

The mercenary gave her a large smile. Seeing the petite girl, whatever mood she was in, always sent a wave of contentment through him.

"This is for you. I know that studying makes you tired. And you can't read on an empty stomach, right?"

The sorceress' face tinged pink for a moment, before she ruined the moment by jumping to her feet and loudly proclaiming, "That's absolutely right. Good job, Gourry!"

She took the cone and began to demolish it. The swordsman silently cheered. Tender moments with Lina were always like this. A hint of softness covered by an act of brash confidence. The book, it seemed was on the right track. His joy was short lived though.

The head librarian appeared with uncanny speed. "You can't eat in here!"

Lina, who had just begun to contently munch on her treat, began to give off an aura of black destruction. No one was going to take her food away from her. No one.

The swordsman might not be clairvoyant, but he could easily see where this was all headed. Images of a large crater filled with the odd burning book flashed through his mind. The real problem, aside from the cost of property damage, was that as soon as she realized that her quest to finish researching this library had been thwarted, she'd also remember the reason the library was destroyed. Then the sorceress would remember who had brought her the ice cream. Then he would be dodging fireballs. And who knew? Librarians were a hardy bunch. What if this harridan survived and they had to fight her again too? He'd rather fight that big crab monkey thing again.

The mercenary spoke quickly—a necessity since Zel and Amelia were still nowhere to be seen. "Yes ma'am! We were just leaving."

He steered Lina out of the library doors before the librarian had a chance to recover from the sudden 'victory' that had been handed to her. Lina, also momentarily floored, mercifally did not recover until they were well outside of the thick wooden doors. The shock didn't last long though.

Chaos' poster child batted furiously at his hands. "Exactly what do you think you're doing, Gourry?"

An old man, who'd been browsing through the box of used books, shut the book he was browsing hurriedly. With a slightly terrified look, he grabbed at a small pile next to the box and quickly vacated the premises. The mercenary didn't blame him. In fact, he was becoming rather enamored of the idea himself. Just then the library doors popped open to reveal a perturbed Zel and a panting Amelia.

"What happened?" the chimera huffed.

The swordsman quickly explained the situation as the sorceress seemed to debate the best possible way to punish him. Perhaps one of his traveling companions would save him.

"Well, the librarian didn't want us eating in there and you weren't done reading. So I thought we'd leave for lunch before Lina blew up the library."

The stone sorcerer gave Amelia a hard look. "I thought you said you felt an evil presence. You know, like a _monster_."

The princess looked back in confusion. "I thought I did, but it's gone now. Maybe it was just Miss Lina getting angry?"

The redhead's anger rerouted to the pair standing before her. "Are you suggesting that I'm a monster?"

Amelia began stuttering and the Zelgadis quietly mumbled something about her present state resembling one.

The blonde haired man quickly diffused the situation. "Why don't we get something to eat? We can come back later."

All three companions turned to stare, current difficulties forgotten. What was it that rare for him to offer a good suggestion?

In any case, Lina was successfully diverted. "Good going, Gourry! Let's eat!

The sorceress grabbed his hand and began pulling him towards the street, restaurant signs advertising possible locations for their next meal. She shot a quick dark look towards the building containing the offending librarian.

"I'll deal with her later."

Lunch, as anticipated, quickly dissolved a large portion of the group's annoyance. Lina was content with the meal and the portion sizes. Zel and Amelia were pleased at the lack of property damage. But most of all, Gourry was excited about the validation of his current research source. He pondered his recent success with great gusto as he ate a well deserved meal. When the rest of the Slayers turned to after lunch conversation and battle tactics, he eagerly flipped it open again under the cover of the table.

_Step Four - Take her special places_.

Special places? The book was talking about long walks through the forest, but they already did that all day! If anything, Lina seemed more relieved to arrive in town and rent a room at the inn than he was. Perhaps this author was talking about people who lived in town and had no idea what kind of dangerous monsters lived in the forest. Not that that would have bothered Lina. But that was beside the point. Long walks through the forest were what they did most days and it hadn't worked yet. Then his eyes lit on the next suggestion. Take her to places that she had a keen interest in. Weren't they currently looking for books? Lina loved books almost as much as she loved treasure. He tuned back into the conversation.

"Well, when I see her again, I'm going to teach her a well deserved lesson about interrupting a girl's snack."

"Perhaps you could look for leads in other places, Miss Lina?"

"Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt to look. What do you think, Zel?"

"This town is renowned for its bookstores. I think it's a solid idea. After all, we're operating under a time constraint."

Bookstores? This was going to be perfect. The blonde mercenary decided to take advantage of this unexpected boon. "Why don't we split up and check to save time?"

Silence reigned across the table. The whole group stared at each other, surprise filling their eyes. Lina blinked her ruby eyes a few times before responding weakly, "That's a good suggestion, Gourry."

He smiled back. "That's what I'm here for."

Amelia, Zelgadis, and Lina exchanged another look.

"Well, I don't know what's made you so smart today, but I'm not going to complain." The sorceress planned their book finding excursion with the precision of a general and the party dispersed to their respective research locations.

Unfortunately, the rumors on great bookstores in the area, seemed to be just that. Rumors. The redhead was quite frustrated. The large man felt bad that she was being thwarted. If only he could somehow help, then the swordsman remembered. Didn't that young man mention a bookstore? One that took the books away from the library?

Gourry cleared his throat. "Hey Lina, I think I know where a good bookstore is."

She turned to him. "_Do you_?"

The blonde man smiled goofily at the set of her hands on her hips and the fiery impatience filling her voice. "Yup."

They found it without too much trouble. Not hard to do once they found Book Street. A large black sign announced the store's precise location. And, even if it hadn't, it was so large it was, in fact, the only store on the street. Multiple entrances suggested that the building had at one time been a series of small shops next door to each other. The end result was a conglomeration of stores revamped into one long and eccentric looking building filled entirely with books.

The sorceress turned to him in awe. "Gourry, I don't know what's gotten into you today. You are full of surprises." She searched his eyes carefully. "You really _are_ Gourry, aren't you?" There was a hint of suspicion in her voice.

"Is it really so surprising that I remember what things that make you happy?"

Her eyes gentled. Still fiery—but more like embers banked in a fireplace. It was a special look that only happened when no one else was around. One he treasured seeing. His heart swelled as the world stilled around them.

The redhead shook her head and replied softly. "No. No, I guess not."

She turned slowly and walked into the story. Gourry's heart jumped in excitement. That was the part of Lina he wanted to capture. Not to hold and tame, but the part he wanted her to give him in return for the heart that she'd stolen so many years ago. His hard work and his current research were finally bearing fruit! The mercenary followed her blissfully into the shop.

The diminutive sorceress seemed even more delicate amongst the towering stacks of books. She looked back at him, red eyes aglow with the prospect of hidden treasure within the stacks.

"This is exactly what I was looking for."

With that the petite girl took off, making soft exclamations over the books she was finding. Gourry flipped open the book on courting. That brief glimpse of Lina, looking unguardedly back at him, truly seeing him, had set his soul ablaze. That brief moment alone convinced him he was on the right track. It was addicting, this continuing success. What was the next step? What should he do next to win the heart of the fiery maiden that swayed enticingly just out of his grasp?

_Step Five - Engage her in conversation. Learn everything you can about her past and her plans for the future_.

Chaos' poster child waved an old tome in front of his face, eyes sparkling. "I can't believe it. It's a biography of Lei Magnus, with some copies from his personal research books! Think of the spells I might able to learn from it." She stroked the spine of the book almost reverently. "You," she told the book, "are going home with me."

Lina 's voice filled with authority as she instructed Gourry in no uncertain terms of his pat in this escapade.

**"Hold this."**

The blonde mercenary fought the urge to salute as he accepted the chosen book.

The redhead rubbed her hands together eagerly. "I bet there's even more great stuff in here." She set forth determined to uncover all of the literary treasure buried within this shop.

The blonde trailed behind her. "Hey, Lina?"

The sorceress already had her head buried in another book. Her voice was slightly muffled as she answered, "What is it, Gourry?"

"What are we going to do next?"

"Save the world. Eat some food." Her voice was flatly dismissive as she continued to scan the book in front of her.

"No, I meant after that."

The petite redhead didn't even look up. "I dunno, Gourry. Travel around. Look for treasure, fight bandits. What we always do."

"Oh."

Since Lina was still absorbed in the book in front of her, Gourry decided that he had not made a sufficient study of the step currently outlined in the book. A quick peek had obviously not been enough. He found the help he was looking for a few paragraphs down.

_Engaging in conversation may be difficult at first. If your chosen is reluctant to talk, start with the basics. Ask about her home, her family, and other reliable topics of 'getting to know you' types of conversation. Chances are that she will unintentionally give you ideas of where to take the conversation next._

The swordsman reflected upon this advice. Oddly enough, the book was probably right. There was a lot he didn't know about Lina. He had no idea where she was from. Or much of anything about her family, expect that her older sister terrified her. Perhaps, the book was right. His failure to understand her was in failing to know who she was outside of being the renowned Enemy of All Who Live. After all, he doubted she'd been born with that title. He decided to try again.

"So, Lina, where's your home town?"

The sorceress stopped reading and looked up sharply. Her eyes narrowed considerably and her voice was dangerously soft.

"Why are you asking?"

Desperation made him longwinded. "I just realized that I never asked you. And I figure that you might want to go and visit someday, so I should learn all about it."

"It's not up for discussion and I'm NEVER going back. Got it?"

She turned back to her stack of books mumbling discontently.

The mercenary floundered. "Ah, okay…if you don't want to talk about it that's okay. Would you like to talk about something else instead?"

Lina suddenly rounded on him, hands on her hips. "Gourry! What is it with you today? First you act really smart, which is okay with me. But sheesh! What's with the questions all the sudden? Can't you tell I'm trying to save the world here?"

The blonde man cringed. "Sorry, Lina. I just…"

"Arrgggh!"

Gourry had the distinct feeling that the Enemy of All Who Lived was trying her best not to commit murder. After a few seconds, she ran her fingers through her hair and looked up. She spoke slowly and distinctly, as if to a child.

"Look, the idea of coming here was so I didn't destroy the largest book depository in the world! We are not sufficiently far enough away to prevent that from occurring if I blow you up. If you want to be helpful, go back to the front, sit down, and BE QUIET! I'll meet you there later."

Gourry considered his options. Try talking to her again before they left the shop or let it go until later? She had looked pretty unhappy during the last round of questioning. When Lina got that tone of voice it was often better to find a different space to occupy until she'd found someone else to relieve her stress on. But it could be a while before they were traveling as a twosome once more. At least until they had saved the world again. Traveling with Lina definitely had its inconveniences. There was nothing left to do, but meekly agree and wait for his next chance to appear.

"Yes, Lina."

In retrospect, Gourry had to confess that this attempt had not gone over well. However, it might not be the book's error, but rather that of the user. The mercenary decided to use his time waiting for Lina to rethink his conversational strategy. Even with the help of this book, winning the sorceress' affections was still an uphill battle. It seemed patience would be required.

A sudden wave of malevolence swept over him. Something wasn't right. He never could explain these eerie feelings of foreboding. But he knew that when he got them that something was distinctly wrong. He looked back at the love of his life sitting cross legged on the floor and sorting through yet another pile of dusty old tomes. The sorceress didn't seem worried, but perhaps she hadn't sensed it yet. No matter. It was his duty as her guardian to take care of these things. Perhaps he could dispose of whatever was lurking around here before it disturbed his love mid-task.

The swordsman drew his sword, and silently stalked up several rows of bookshelves, watching carefully for any hint of his new nemesis. He supposed it was odd that an enemy would show up here. But when one traveled with Lina Inverse, many things ceased to be surprising. Gourry halted. Slight scuffling noises and an evil presence lurked around the bend. The source had been found. The blonde mercenary rounded the corner with sword held high.

A portly bald gentleman dressed in a faded plum vest and shabby grey trousers blinked, his mouth rounded into an 'o.' He seemed oddly familiar, but the swordsman couldn't quite place him. As this was not an uncommon occurence where Gourry was concerned, he decided to ignore this case of déjà vu was well.

"Can I help you sir?" the older man asked tremulously.

The sense of wrongness faded, a minor fraction of what it had been before. Gourry paused, embarrassed by this turn of events. Both men stared at each other unsure of what to do next. Then a soprano voice, one the swordsman knew well, rang out.

"Helloooo! Anybody here? I want to buy some books!"

The bald man, presumably, the shopkeeper, shook himself. "If you'll just excuse me. sir." He edged carefully around the swordsman and scurried away.

Gourry remained frozen. The sense of pervading wrongness had faded, but it hadn't left entirely when the storekeeper did. So it wasn't him. The blonde man walked carefully down the row where the seller of books had been standing. Several stacks of books still lay on the floor. The mercenary nudged them with his sword, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. In fact, the books appeared to be the same ones he'd seen outside of the library earlier. The blonde smiled, glad to know that they'd been saved after all. Then a familiar voice demanded his attention as well.

"Gourry, where are you? I'm ready to go. And don't forget my book!"

The swordsman started. Her book? He looked down at his bookless hands in panic. Thankfully, the book Lina had given him remained tucked into his sword belt. He sighed, thankful that disaster had been averted. Gourry sheathed his sword, carefully removed Lina's book, and held it gingerly in his hands. It wouldn't do to misplace it on his way back. Besides, whatever had been trying to cause trouble was gone now. He turned, knocking over a stack of books. They landed haphazardly, some face down and, one in particular, face up to reveal the marked pages inside. Gourry debated about cleaning up his mess when the redhead yelled again.

"Hurry up, Gourry!" The impatience in her voice was reaching critical levels.

Oh, well. The shopkeeper could get it later. It was only a few books after all. And, if he didn't hurry, the book merchant might need a new store instead. The mercenary turned to the right and began to walk quickly towards the front. It wouldn't do to keep Chaos' poster child waiting any longer than necessary. The mercenary lengthened his stride again. He hadn't realized this bookstore was so big. But that was the magic of bookstores and libraries, wasn't it? They seemed to bend space and time in funny ways.

The row in front of him elongated into a corridor. The bookshelves stretched endlessly in front of him and the space behind him faded into a bruised tone of black and purple. The swordsman gulped. This didn't look good. Gourry tried walking even faster, praying his imagination was acting up. But he didn't think that was the case. Lina's voice pierced the air.

"Geez, Gourry. What's keeping you? You didn't get lost again, did you?" She sighed.

The mercenary started running. If he could just make it to the end of the corridor in time the sorceress would be there. His Lina. He had sworn to protect her. Gourry was lost, to be sure, but not in the normal sense. He needed to get to her. To protect her from the enemy that was on his very heels.

A feeling of malicious glee blasted into existence behind him. It cackled thunderously as the swordsman finally stopped running. He tucked Lina's tome back into his belt and unsheathed his sword. It wasn't the Sword of Light, but it would have to do. He turned to face his foe.

The shadows finished coalescing into the wavering form of a human being. But his instincts told him it was far more dangerous than it looked. Yep, definitely a monster. That wasn't good. Without the Sword of Light, he would need Lina to back him up. And Lina was nowhere to be found.

The mazakou screeched in delight. "Ah, it's been so long since I last feasted. But I before I dine, I think we should play first. A little game before dinner would go nicely."

The swordsman readied himself. The monster moved first, lunging towards him.

Gourry parried and danced to the right. It was never wise to go blazing in without first assessing one's opponent. Not when one was fighting by oneself. He often 'recklessly' charged in these days, but that was to give Lina time to assess their enemies. The mercenary knew that he could help her the most that way. Then he also could neatly eliminate any opponents not worth the sorceress' while. To lighten her load, if only ever so slightly. But as he was currently alone, he needed to be more careful.

The monster lunged again. Gourry neatly sidestepped the attack and then twirled to face his opponent again.

"You are a quick one, but let's see if you can dodge this."

The shadows solidified into a dark tarry mass. They circled him readying their attack, fueling themselves for what was to come. The swordsman turned slowly, trying to anticipate where the first strike would originate. Predictably, it came from behind, slivers of tar hardening into lances, darting in and out, like a dozen pins being carelessly jabbed at a hapless piece of cloth. And, much like pins, he knew just from looking that they could easily draw blood.

The mercenary's sword rang clear and bright as it collided with the shards. But a quick glance at his blade told him that the hardened tar, whatever it was, was leaving small ruts in the metal. It was high quality steel, but it hadn't been designed to hold up to this.

The monster laughed again. "As much fun as it is to play with my food, I'm too hungry to wait much longer."

The diameter of the circle surrounding him changed slightly. The tar no longer resembled a thin ribbon-like line, but the 'line' was now composed of a series of much smaller such circles. Gourry grimaced. This was not going to be easy.

"Gourry, where are you?" The redhead's voice sounded closer.

"I'm here, Lina."

There was a note of puzzlement in her voice. "Gourry? I can hear you, but I can't see you. Are you okay?"

The monster took advantage of the brief lapse in his concentration. Small shards jabbed towards his eyes, at lightening speeds. His reflexes saved him, but a tiny remnant cut his cheek upon deflection. A stifled hiss of pain escaped his lips. That had stung tremendously. The small wound blazed with the intensity of fire.

The sorceress' voice rang out imperiously. "Gourry, listen carefully. Tell me what you can see."

"Umm…" the swordsman split his concentration. One part to deal with the crystalline attacks launching themselves at him, and one to talk to the love of his life. "It's kind of black and dark and purplely. There's a shadow guy here too."

She pulled a breath. "A monster. What's the last thing you saw before it happened?"

Sweat was beginning to run into his eyes. He struggled to catch his breath as the tar masses regrouped. "Lots of books."

It was clear from her voice that Lina was not amused. "No, jellyfish! I meant where were you before that happened?"

"I dunno. Near a couple stacks of books, the bookkeeper was putting away. I knocked a couple of them over."

In his mind's eye, he could almost see the sorceress nodding. "Okay, I see them. But I don't see you. That means you're in some kind of dimensional space."

Gourry continued to parry the monster's attacks. He was tiring, but he knew Lina. If he could just hold out a little longer, he knew that his lovely sorcery genius would be able to solve this. All he had to do was hold on.

The monster laughed. "It doesn't matter, boy. She'll never be able to get to you. You can't do magic and there's no way for her to break in. Out perhaps, but not in. I created this space and everything in it. You are doomed."

As if to prove his absolute control, the monster pulled the floor out from under Gourry's feet. He fell as the dimension reconfigured itself. The wall formerly on his left was now the 'floor.' Yet gravity still pulled him downward. Hundreds of shards grew out of the floor as he fell towards them. He quickly cleared a space to land and then jumped back towards the wall, escaping the spikes that had jut grown up in their place. The monster had resorted to a deadly tactic, if kept up long enough. He could only hope that Lina figured out how to get to him in a hurry.

"Gourry, do you still have my book?"

"Is this really the time, Lina?" He grunted as another shard pierced his leg.

The mercenary had not counted on the floor shifting again quite so soon. This game was more deadly than it had first appeared. Judging by the ruts on his sword, it couldn't survive too many more attacks either. And the sorceress was asking about her treasure?

"Gourry!" Her voice bespoke the question's importance.

He gritted his teeth. "Yes."

There was a relieved sort of smile in her voice. "Good."

The book went flying up from his belt, sailing high into the air and out of sight.

The monster gave a raspy laugh. "Your comrade wasn't very loyal, now was she? More concerned about a mere book, than her companion." Its laugh echoed, causing the dimension to shake along with it.

Gourry slouched, breathing hard. A particularly large appendage of tar formed above him. It paused, as the monster savored his victory over the lone swordsman. The monster cackled in smug superiority.

"Feel despair swordsman. The one you were relying on has abandoned you to your death."

The blonde mercenary inhaled hoarsely. An additional cut to his left arm had not improved his overall condition. But even as Gourry panted for breath, he gave a tired smile.

"Lina's more loyal than you might think."

Shock overtook the shadowy being as the dimensional wall above its head started to crack and then shatter. The black walls around them disintegrated, replaced by the comforting bindings of aged books. And standing there, in all her glory, was Lina Inverse.

"You seem to have forgotten one thing. If one can break out of dimensional space by summoning something from the outside world, one can also break in by summoning something from within the dimension itself." The sorceress supreme winked at the bleeding swordsman. "Miss me?"

The blonde just smiled gratefully. Lina nodded in satisfaction before turning back to the monster.

"Time to warm things up a little. FIREBALL!"

The monster laughed. "As if such a trifling spell would harm me! Your puny attempts at defying me are most enjoyable. As if I could be bested by a short tempered small breasted thing like you."

Lina turned a brilliant, and rather familiar, shade of red. Gourry didn't need to hear the words she was murmuring to know what she was doing. He looked desperately for something to shield himself from the oncoming storm. Why was it that bookstores were so flammable? Surely a better alternative to paper could be found for the printing of books!

The mazakou was completely oblivious to his impending doom. "Little girl, you don't know what you've gotten yourself into."

The Enemy of All Who Lived looked up, red energy swirling in her hand, "DRAGON SLAVE!"

"NOOOOOOooooooooooooo."

Gourry supposed it was sad that so many monsters met such a cliché end. But better them than his lovely spark of flame. The concern in her eyes was almost enough to distract his attention from the small crater in which they now stood. The swordsman looked around in fascination. It was much smaller than it should be. It wasn't near that time of the month, was it? He did some quick mental calculations. No, he estimated that shouldn't occur for another two weeks. Then why was the crater so small? That had definitely been a Dragon Slave. The crater's depth was greater than usual, but the radius was much smaller. Gourry's computations on the crater's overall volume were troubling. Lina had again thrown a wrench in the works. The result of her spell did not match the expected outcome.

The sorceress supreme looked around in pride as she surveyed the damage. "Not too shabby."

At this point, Zelgadis and Amelia joined them. And, as usual, the chimera was out of sorts.

"May I ask what caused you to blow up this particular town, Lina?"

Amelia nodded as she knelt to heal the swordsman's wounds. Gourry exhaled in relief, as his cuts began to close. They hadn't been life threatening, but they'd hurt like the dickens. Once again, he was grateful for Amelia's tendency to heal first and ask questions later. Lina quite happily explained the outcomes of their search as Gourry finished healing.

Zel whistled. "Only you could find trouble in a small town like this. But shouldn't a Dragon Slave have destroyed more than this?"

Amelia stood up, nodding as she brushed the dirt off of her clothes. "Yeah, half the town is still standing."

Lina beamed, looking prouder of herself than usual. "That's because I tried a variation! I found a limiter spell in a book I found here. It has copies of some of Lei Magnus' original manuscripts!"

Zelgadis looked impressed. "If they mentioned a spell as potent as this…"

Lina excitedly concluded, "…imagine what else it might contain!"

The redhead suddenly looked around with a slight frown on her face. "Gourry, where's my book?"

The swordsman swallowed dryly. "You mean the one you asked me about when I was in the black room?"

She looked at him impatiently. "Yeah, that's the one. Where is it?"

The princess saved him from having to answer. "Miss Lina, if you summoned it, then it would have returned to you, right?"

The red haired sorceress blinked. "Oh yeah. I remember. I just put it down while I fought that monster…" Her face blanched.

Ever the heartless realist, Zelgadis pointed out the obvious. "It's gone now."

Panic consumed Lina's face. "No, it can't be. My book! Somehow, it must have survived…"

Zelgadis pointed out practically, "A contained Dragon Slave, while immensely useful in limiting the area of damage, would also intensify the effect inside the containment as well. I doubt anything would have survived."

Gourry had to nod sagely. That would account for the observed decrease in crater radius. The amount of energy released was still the same. So a decrease in radius would naturally correspond to an increase in depth. That was mathematically and scientifically sound. And, as satisfying as Lina's presence was, he was secretly glad that she had not just managed to overturn the whole foundation of mathematics. It was something solid to hang on to in his ever chaotic life. It was comforting to know that today had not been the day that mathematics had died.

A familiar voice interrupted the sorceress' panicked cries. "Is this what you were looking for Lina?"

The Trickster Priest hovered slightly in the air. Between his gloved fingers was the tattered remains of a book cover. He placed it gingerly into the petite girl's outstretched hands.

Lina's eyes watered and her mouth quivered. "My book…"

Amelia chirruped, "Mister Xelloss! What are you doing here?"

Zelgadis groaned. "Why do you even bother asking him that? He's just going to say it's a …"

The mazakou cut the chimera off smoothly. "Actually, I was here tracking a traitor to the monster race. It seems he had sealed himself up in the form of a book. Quite an ingenious plan, if I may say so myself. However, since he's been destroyed, I have other pressing matters to attend to. As I'm sure you do as well. See you later." And with that he disappeared.

Lina still sat, looking at the singed and tattered half of a book cover. It was all that remained of the book she had used to save Gourry. The others just looked at her, no one wanting to be the first to interrupt the Dragon Slayer's current shell shocked state.

Gourry took a deep breath and put a hand on her shoulder. "Lina,…"

The petite girl dissolved into a wail. "My boooooooook…"

Although the town remained mostly intact, the group decided to lodge elsewhere for the night. Lina remained rather morose about the book's destruction. The group headed glumly out of town, despite the lack of the usual mob. (It seemed that the town felt the loss of her prized book was punishment enough. Apparently, they were appeased, and delighted by the fact, that Lina would never be able to know exactly how the book she wanted would end. It was a fitting and a cruel punishment, well befitting a destroyer of books. Something to plague the hot-headed sorceress for the rest of her days.) It was actually that malicious glee that had prompted the princess to suggest a change of scenery. After all, this was a place that really respected books.

But before the town was entirely out of sight, Gourry spared it one last glance. Lina had saved him, as she always did, but at the loss of her intended treasure. But, as had been said before, they had a world to save. He patted his pockets regretfully. Lina was not the only one to have lost a book in that well contained blast. The book on courting women was gone as well. But perhaps that was for the best. What he had concluded from this ordeal was that the secret to winning a woman's heart could not be found in a book. Nor was it to be found in jewelry, math, or food (at least not in the average person's diet). Hearts were what made people, well, people. Perhaps it was time to ask his friends for help.

* * *

**A/N:** Slowly enters the rest of the Slayers cast…

Coincidently, the book with Gourry's chocolate thumb print was later acquired by a notorious book collector with a penchant for books once owned (or in Gourry's case 'used') by famous people throughout history. The book was identified to be authentic from Gourry's signature on the borrower's card inside the cover.

His collection was the only one to contain a book used, or written by, all four of the core Slayers members. It contained a book of Princess Amelia's justice poetry and songs (whose further publication had been outlawed by the Equal Rights Group for Mazakou and Other Malignant Life Forms, ERGMOMLF for short), one of Zelgadis Greywart's study journals filled with occasional leads and drawings of a certain raven haired girl, and the life history of Lina Inverse, written in her own hand.

Sadly, his collection still lacked a copy of the Claire Bible that the group had once sought so determinedly. Unfortunately, the few remaining copies seemed to mysteriously vanish just before auctioning. Rumors mentioned the sighting of a smiling purple haired priest, but they had yet to be solidly confirmed…


End file.
